If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
