Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
