why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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