LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
