First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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