i just had sex bonerless
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
