Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
