my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
