That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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