He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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