Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
