I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize