Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
