I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
