Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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