He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
