Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
