the new term for farting is butt boxing.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
