my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
