It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
