awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
