When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
