my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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