can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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