got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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