She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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