Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
