I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
