i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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