I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
