Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
