I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Randomize
