I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
