I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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