planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
