In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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