If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
