Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
