Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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