Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
