I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
