Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
