i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
