He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
