I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
