The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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