You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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