There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
