I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
