Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
