You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
