I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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