if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
