it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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