shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
