wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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