low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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